So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
