somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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