so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
