i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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