Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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