did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
