The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
