My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
