im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
