i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
accomplished twins. life is a go
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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