so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
