It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
