Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
