u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
