grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
