Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
