last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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