at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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