This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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