highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
