The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I want her autograph on my taint
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
