Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
