It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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