god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
