She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
