Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
