the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
