Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
