Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
