The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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