i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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