we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
