Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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