Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
