I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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