MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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