not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
