remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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