i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
