The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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