i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
