at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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