Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
