I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
