I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
