i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
