i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
