I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
