none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
