Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
